The Bean Tighe (pronounced ban tig) is a helpful spirit that is likely one of the inspirations for the "fairy godmother" type donor/patron from faerie and folk tales. She is the one who makes it possible for others to achieve their potential ... whether it be helping with the maintenance of one's home, one's finances, or the ability to make one's dreams come true.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

GOYB: Week 4

Yes, I know I'm not supposed to be paying attention to the numbers. But when they mark a positive milestone, I think it should be OK.

I booted up the Wii this morning only to have that little Balance Board animation tell me that my weight had dropped again. I'm at 103.7Kg now ... which means that I still get to watch the needle on the Wii scale bury itself at the very top of the screen and hear that damnable chipmunk'y voice chirp "that's obese!" (am I the only one to find the Wii Fit to be a passive-aggressively insulting little bugger?). However, when I do the conversion to pounds (which, being a child of the late 60's/early 70's, I am far more familiar with) that works out to 228.6lbs ... which marks the first time that I have weighed less than 230lbs (being that I started this process nearly 3 months age at 247lbs) since I turned 30, 14 years ago.

I'm thrilled and delighted ... and eager to hit that next milestone of 100kg (220.4lbs). Small goals over a reasonable period of time will result in my getting to my optimal weight without stressing my system and causing it to go looking for the missing weight. I need to avoid rebound at all costs ^_~

I saw my Dr on Thursday and, after some discussion, he put me on anti-depressants. I see nothing wrong with this, being that I can't seem to shift the black moods, the pain, or the lack of energy using oils and herbs and my normal coping techniques are not up to the task. I recognize that I could use a little help in dealing with the chemical imbalance in my brain that is causing me to languish in a depressed state, and that help is only until such time that my normal balancing practices can be effective again ... the Dr. figures about 3 months or so.

It's no shame to be on them although, if I were to say that I was completely OK with it, I'd be lying. I tend to pride myself, considering I have been depressive as far back as I can remember, in being able to manage myself well enough to not need the meds as a matter of regular course. However, I also see no point in adding to my internal distress, being that the factors and stresses that brought on the depression (Mum's passing, my sister's machinations, and the delay it's caused in my ability to grieve properly) are beyond my ability to control, by berating myself for failing to keep a level course through it all. Especially when the Dr admits becoming overwhelmed just hearing about a portion of it all.

Depression, anxiety, and panic attacks are not a sign of weakness when dealing with a normally healthy individual (someone who does not have a chronic issue) ... they are a sign that said person has had to remain strong far too long and their mental resilience has been worn away over tie.

I said as much to Kara in the Dr's office and, unexpectedly, he walked in at that moment ... his response to my comment was "very well put".


  1. Sista you hinting a' sumting?
    :Iknow bad BAD slang:

    1. Not in the least, hon. You should know, I don't hint ... not by your standards, anyhow. My hinting would still come across as blunt. ^_~