The Bean Tighe (pronounced ban tig) is a helpful spirit that is likely one of the inspirations for the "fairy godmother" type donor/patron from faerie and folk tales. She is the one who makes it possible for others to achieve their potential ... whether it be helping with the maintenance of one's home, one's finances, or the ability to make one's dreams come true.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Finding my Way Back to Me ...

I have been wanting to find a way to kick-start myself back into a semblance of spiritual practice. Isn't is amazing how quickly time flies? How easily one can fall out of the habit of integrating the spiritual with the day to day when it feels like life has gone to hell in a handbag and all you can do is scramble for survival?

As the turn of the year approached, I felt a growing need to get my inner self back on some sort of track ... there comes a point when even my simple faith that all will work out in the end gets strained to breaking point. Often, I have found that, if I'm paying attention, the universe will send me clues as to what I need to do to set myself straight again. And, as this wish grew in the back of my mind, the pointer came when a friend (to whom I have never stepped out as Pagan) came to me and asked (based on a previous knowledge that I was into "oils, herbs, and stuff") me if there were any herbs she could incorporate into a private cleansing/purification/tie-breaking ceremony that would aid her in creating some much needed emotional/mental distance during a breakup and the unpleasantness that is the unfortunate fallout accompanying it.

For the first time in years, I felt moved to do something more and I set myself to put together a care package for her and her daughter ... working with will and intent to encourage a positive outcome for all involved. For the first time in years, I felt alive and tuned into the world in a way I have dearly missed. The feeling has stayed with me through the turning of the calendar and I can now acknowledge that I have been affected by my own working. Where before I saw only a long, slow, tedious and seemingly unending wait for my opportunity to start anew, now I look around this garden suite and cannot help but feel so very fortunate and grateful for being here.

Not so very long ago, I undertook a Project 365 Challenge ... 365 days of photographs (one per day) out of my life ... which I completed shortly after returning to the Lower Mainland. I will revisit that challenge at some point and do it again, but not just yet. It took a lot to stick with that I'm not quite ready to undergo again so soon. But still the urge to find something that would allow me to return a little of the spiritual and the sacred into my everyday persisted.

I've started reading again ... a joy I have not been able to indulge in since my fall back in 2007. At first, due to the concussion syndrome, reading was painful and extremely difficult due to an inability to focus on the letters which moved about the page. Then, after a while, I just stopped thinking about reading ... much as I had stopped thinking seriously about writing many years earlier ... without realizing how much I was losing of myself by abandoning a much beloved and stress-relieving pastime that had been my greatest comfort through so very many difficult times.

In rediscovering my love for books, I also came to realize how many more pieces of myself I had let fall by the wayside of life as things became too difficult and the mundane required more and more of my focus. I slowly ... as the random, wishful thoughts flitted through my noggin since that pre-New Year working ... have been trying to figure out how best I could bring back to my life those practices which would allow me to find my way back to my self.

Tonight, quite by accident, I tripped across a link to a Pagan Blog Project ... it consists of posting one Pagan related blog per week for the entirety of 2012. Finding that, my first impulse was to be disappointed that I had not found it sooner believing myself to have missed the start ... then, upon reading further, I discovered today was, in effect, the first day of the project ... it seems to me like too big of a hint from the universe to ignore.

I have signed up and am taking the risk of putting myself out there. They have a definite alphabetical format to their progression through the year, so it'll be a challenge to keep it going and still applicable to my efforts to rediscover the real me.

Best get onto that first post ... ^_^

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